Throughout DTS we have to keep a journal and we are encouraged to be creative with this journal. To draw, take pictures and write poems. I wrote this poem one night during one of the most difficult times of my DTS. I had a knee injury and I could not participate in the dances and dramas and it took me twice as long to get anywhere because I was limping along. My DTS leader had just presented the idea of sending me home. I was really upset because I knew I was supposed to do this DTS and I wanted and felt that I was supposed to finish it. So I was praying through all of this and trying to think of a way to communicate my heart with my leader without crying and sounding overly emotional because in my mind that would mean a one way ticket home for sure.
I was also praying through if I was even useful on the trip, if there was a reason for me to stay. or if my leader was right and I should just go home. Out of that time of prayer came these thoughts, that were written in my DTS journal several years ago.
Weakest of Women
My faith never seems as strong as the women of old and even though I know
your spirit is in me I cannot seem to be bold I’m called to be a knight and a princess but all too often I miss that and I end up a squire and a lady in waiting but what am I waiting for.
Oh how could you chose me oh weakest of women when will I understand you call me each day but when will I learn to stay in your arms where I know I’ll be safe from harm
Lord far too often I fear the things you have created instead of fearing you the creator God I worry about tomorrow and dwell on yesterday but I need to keep my eyes in you and you alone for I know you will not let me fall
Jesus you love me and this I know I am a little one and to you I belong for although I am weak you are always so strong and you don’t call a knight or a princess you call the squire just to be ready to serve then you take the lady in waiting in to your arms as a lover and you give her a crown that she doesn’t deserve
That’s how you chose me oh weakest of women and now I can understand you chose me new each day and someday I will stay in your arms always
I think that there are times in our lives where waiting is what we are supposed to do. That going home and healing or allowing time to fix us is what we are called to do. However I also think that too many times we use that as our excuse. we are not ready because God has to do more in us first. We need more time until we can really be useful. If I had packed up and gone home I don't think I would be where I am today. I think that moment, that night was life changing for me. Had I gone home I think I would have given up on DTS gone to college and I would be graduating from seminary this summer and getting ready to be a missionary with the North American Baptist association. Not that this would be a bad thing but I heard God I allowed him to draw me into his arms and tell me he still had a plan and a purpose for me in this DTS.
I spoke to my leader and continued on the outreach limping along and stumbling through translating the message of Jesus Christ to the people of Chile and Peru. I then came on staff with Youth with a Mission here in Pittsburgh and now I am a part of this dream come true ministry. I a Cinderella living out the dream that was a wish my heart made.
I just want to challenge you to read over the words of a scared, inadequate 18 year old girl and see if you relate. See if there is something in your own life you know God has for you or wants for you, but you are living like the Lady in Waiting because you aren't allowing him to take you into his arms. You will always and forever be a work in progress, but because you are also always and forever Jesus' daughter, friend and bride you are also called to act upon those dreams you dream with him.
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