Desperation

So I have one other trip story to share before I resume with the beauty tips and bridal musings.

It was Wednesday and we were had been busy most of the day going from promoting on a college campus to a meeting with a salon owner and that night we were going to be speaking to youth group girls about beauty. At this point I was tired and I had not been able to spend any time by myself with Jesus or otherwise. That is the nature of these kinds of trips. So we had a couple of hours to kill and decided to try and find a coffee shop to sit in and write notes to the youth group girls and just to do some more planning of what we were going to say. Well we didn’t find a coffee shop we found a diner and sat down to continue writing. As I sat there I began complaining to God about how I had not gotten to spend time with him and how it was not my fault and I was tired and blah blah blah. I sat for a minute then thought oh man if I listen to God now he is going to tell me all of the times I could have spent with him and how I am feeling this way because of myself and I have no one else to blame.

So after preparing myself and feeling humble enough and guilty enough I decided to really pray and seek God and ask forgiveness. Now I don’t know why I was surprised by this. It is not as if I do not know that God loves me and wants to spend time with me. It is not as if I do not know that repentance is meant to be a joyful thing and that when we give it all over to him he is waiting to speak to us. And yet in that diner as I asked God to show up and speak to me on behalf of the girls we would be speaking to and myself. As he spoke I sat there in awe and felt chills.

I was lead to a passage of scripture I am sure I have read before but never really studied until now it is Psalm 45. It talks about the king and his beautiful bride. The whole Psalm is praising this king and expressing to this bride how lucky she is to be loved so completely by this king. How she needs to leave everything she knows and follow him. That this is good and right and joyful even.

As I sat there thinking about how much God loves us and how everything that I get to do for the Lord all of the things I get to lay at his feet for him to take care of because he loves me. I could not help but be amazed at his complete love and my complete dependence. Before the Youth Group service that night we prayed in the car and all I could think of, the one thought that dominated my mind was I am totally and utterly dependent on God who totally and utterly loves me enough to speak to me even in the midst of my sin and shortcomings. This Refined Beauty ministry is a sensitive thing for so many women. We want to go into the dark places of the world and of women’s hearts and the only way that we will be able to be effective in that is if we remain dependent on him. I have never been more sure of that than I am in this moment. So please pray with us and for us as we continue that everything that we do would be lead by him, and that all we do would be only for his glory.