Being Refined

It has been a while since I have written anything which is a testimony to how busy things have been around here as well as to my own lack of making it a priority.

I have been thinking a lot about the Refining process and how you have to go through the fire in order for that to happen. Fire is captivating we love to be near it. We love to watch it but we learn from a young age you don't want to be in it. It hurts, it burns and it leaves its mark.

How true is that of the way that we look at the fire of God the process of him refining us. We like to get close to it just enough to feel the power that is there. We like to watch it happen in other peoples lives as God consumes them. For our own life we put it off as long as possible. We fear what mark it will leave even though we always come out better than before, we do not come out the other side the same.

Throughout my time of working with Refined Beauty God has been Refining what we do. He has taken us through the very process our name speaks to. He has brought it back to the beginning. Youth with a mission Pittsburgh was founded through a summer youth leadership program called Joshua Generation. Teens would come for 17 days and experience God like they never had before. They would be trained in who God is and evangelism for 7 days and then go out into cities in the US and around the world and share their God and their experience with him in those places.

We tried to start Refined Beauty with a DTS but God had other plans. He is Refining us and bringing us back to our roots. SO for our first training school and outreach we are rocking it Joshua Generation style. We have been reduced and Refined and we are so excited to train up the next generation in what God says about their beauty and how to use the power of beauty and touch to reach anyone and everyone.

I could not be more excited about the mark that God has left on this ministry after all it is totally his to brand as he would chose we just have to constantly be reminded of that.

If you know anyone who would be interested in this summer youth program shoot an email to refinedbeautyywam@gmail.com
Thanks so much!

What the Heck are we Doing??

While most of you who read this already know a lot of what is happening with Refined Beauty I just wanted to take a moment to share what is going on and the things that God has been speaking to us.

So due to a lack of students and a need for more preparation time we are not running a training school in March as originally planned. So we will be doing some more recruiting as well as ministering and doing outreaches using cosmetology.

We want to establish 3 consistent outreaches that the students that do come to the school can just walk into and be a part of without a lot of effort. Due to the fact that the ultimate goal of this school is to begin a ministry having consistent outreaches throughout the city is really important.

Throughout this time and this process God has been reminding us to be completely dependent on him and his vision. When we have God sized visions we have to rely completely on him in order to see it completed. The idea for the Refined Beauty DTS and the Beauty from ashes ministry is definitely from God that has been confirmed time and time again. As we began to so more ministry and share more of our vision with people we began to have a desire to make it happen no matter the cost. We were diving in head first and doing everything we could. While this seems like a great thing in the end we lost sight of the fact that while this is our life, it is only our life because God has ordained it to be. We need, need, need to remain at his feet, to know where he is taking us and this ministry.

So please be praying for us as we go forward. That he would lead us and that we would remain surrendered. That everything we do would not be in our own strength but in his.

So Cold it burns

I am sitting at the computer and have been trying to write this post on and off for a good portion of the day. I write for a minute and then delete what I have written.

Words are eluding me today I know what is on my head and in my heart but the ability to communicate is just not coming to me. But here goes nothing I apologize in advance if it is a but scattered.

So due to the ministries that I have been involved in and the ministry with women and girls of all walks of life this concept of being "hot" and "sexy" and all of our movies and commercials and TV and everything else that promotes this "hot". This hot is so much a part of our lives that we as christians even forget how damaging it is.. 

It is all so empty and cold. Sex and being sexy is meant to be this intimate and personal thing and yet so often since the beginning of time it becomes this supply and demand mentality. Which is so far from God's design that rather than us seeing the sex industry as a perverted damaging thing we view his design as unrealistic or unnatural. 

Have you ever touched something that was frozen or super cold and metal, and had that burning sensation? When things are that cold and if you let it stay that way you go numb and then get frostbite which can lead to the loss of appendages or even limbs.

That is what this version of "hot" is. Rather than actually being hot it is so cold that it burns. we then become so numb and desensitized that we forget that we are loosing parts of who we were created to be. My encouragement and purpose in this is to pray for those that are loosing who they are. That are allowing the cold to trick them into thinking it is heat. For the men and women caught up in this industry or this lifestyle. Because while they believe themselves to be burning with passion the reality is that they have severe frostbite. 

Keep your way Pure

I wanted to take some time to share with you about purity. Last week I was doing research on this topic and all that happened was an insane amount of frustration.

There are organizations that promote purity and sell purity rings and all the cheesy stuff that while cute sometimes makes me gag a bit. Then there are people who say well purity is impossible so lets just teach safe sex we don’t want our kids to do stupid things out of ignorance. Then there are people that just teach abstinence and how while there are other “safe sex” options that this is really the best way to insure that you do not get an STD or pregnant. The truth is abstinence is great and I support it but abstinence is NOT purity. Keeping our “little” girls and boys away from actually having sex does not mean we have succeeded in keeping them pure. In a world where pornography and the question of “how far is too far?” run rampant not having sex is a very small part of true purity.

Why can’t we just be real with our youth and with ourselves. True purity can only happen when we are in relationship with Jesus. No one is strong enough to stay pure apart from him, nor is there any real reason to stay pure apart from him. Not just a “Christian” or a “good kid” but pursuing Jesus and desiring his will above all else in our lives. Until we and the youth we are speaking to are finding identity in Christ how can we expect them to stop looking else where to answer the question “who am I?”.

Now do not get me wrong I don’t think that talking to your kids about purity is pointless. I do not think that we should just give up on biblical values if our youth aren’t reading their bibles. I am just saying I slept through as many purity talks as I listened to when I was in middle school. I have owned 4 purity rings and lost them all. I have made bracelets and boundaries and everything else that a girl who grows up in the church is supposed to do. But I also went to an inner city public school so I learned about safe sex, how to put on a condom and what birth control was before middle school ever happened. I had friends who lost their virginity in middle school. I was bombarded with information from both sides. Then when I was 13 I gave my life to Jesus. That summer I heard the purity talk that stuck with me. I set my boundaries and my standards for any dating relationships I might have. I have stuck to those standards and boundaries I am 24 and I have never been kissed. I am a purity poster child in some ways. But I am not naive and never have been. I watched as my friends gave “it” up. I watched as their hearts were broken and innocence was lost. Whether it was through sex, emotions or other avenues, they no longer believed themselves to be “pure”. Through all of my observing I knew that if I ever thought I was strong enough to “handle” a compromising situation it was already over for me. The song Jesus loves me spoke to me so much that first summer of my relationship with God “I am weak but he is strong”. I knew I couldn’t stay “pure” no matter how strong everyone around me believed I was. Weakness has, is and always will be my only source of strength.

The ONLY I repeat the ONLY reason that anyone stays “pure” is through relationship with Jesus. Purity through just not having sex is kind of a joke. As I said before communicating biblical morals and views to our Youth is so important and I do not want to belittle that. But make sure that you are communicating to them that we obey Jesus because we love him because we have a relationship with him. Because our identity is in him and he knows what is best for us. Purity is not a goal or a rule it is an entire lifestyle, it is who we are called to be. Pure, Holy, set apart. Not because we are strong and can do that but because Jesus can and does do that for us.

More than tipsy

Ok so after an extended break I am returning to my brides. Now once again looking and taking the photo in looking through the bride of Christ glasses.

My first reaction at this photo and many of the others that I saw of drunk brides was laughter. This woman looks ridiculous or white trash. She is by herself with the bottle and cigarette plopped down on the porch getting wasted. 

Then I think of how sad it is. Why isn’t she with her friends or her new husband. Why is she getting plastered doesn’t she want to remember this night. It is supposed to be the happiest night of her life right?

Now here is the thing I could go off on a rant of how useless I think being literally drunk is but then many of us would just think well I don’t get drunk so I am good to go. I am so not this bride.

The thing is our muddy bride she knew what she was doing. She knew who she was called to be but wanted to hide it. She wanted to blend in. This bride has allowed the world to poison her and cause her to forget who she is. She has been drinking the sin long enough and often enough to believe that there is nothing better for her. That this is it and this is enough and this is fun. She desires so much to feel something and then remember nothing. That way she can trick herself and everyone around her that she is happy and living a life that everyone should want to live, When the reality is her life is empty and she has forgotten how to fill it. 

How many times do we allow ourselves to “forget” that what we are doing is sin. We live in a sort of ignorance and call it bliss. God wants all of us every part he wants to show the “drunken” areas of our lives and take them away. The amazing thing, the very best thing about when Jesus takes something away is he does not leave an empty space in us he fills it with more of himself. By showing us another facet of his character and through that drawing us into a deeper place of worship and understanding of who he is and why his presence is the only place we should desire to be. He does not want us to forget who we were or forget any part of our lives who we were before or where he has brought us. He just wants to love us to be our bridegroom. To show us we were created to bring Glory to him and when we are doing that, then we are full of Joy which goes so much deeper than being fake happy. He shows us how much fun life can be with him.

Wait for it!

So since I have not shared any beauty tips with you lately I will share a mask recipe that we used on our promotion trip that is simple and works very well. During this winter season many of you might find that your skin is a bit on the dry side and this mask is perfect for that.

All you do is take one egg white and 1 to 2 table spoons of Greek yogurt. (this should be enough for about 4 uses or 4 people) Whip these 2 ingredients together and then put a thin layer on your face. Wait about 5 to 10 min then wash it off with warm water. You’re skin will feel soft and look great!

Eggs have protein which is good for your skin and the yogurt is a great source of moisture. I should mention that you need to use plain yogurt no fruit or flavoring.

Masks are one of those things that require patience and self control. As you sit there with your face itching but unable to touch it because there is stuff on your face.
The age old saying of all good things are worth waiting for proves itself true in this situation.

Waiting is sometimes one of the hardest things that we have to do. We know something is going to happen at the end of our waiting. Sometimes we know what the outcome is like fully baked cookies, boiling water or baby soft skin. Other times, many times in my relationship with God I have no idea where I am going or what I am waiting/ preparing for. One of the biggest traps I fall into is that the best thing that I am going to do with my life is just around the corner. That what I am doing right now is great and all but the best is yet to come, that my life’s calling is just around the corner. Or that once this ministry really takes off that is when my life will really start. The fact is that my calling is to be God’s daughter and servant and the love of his life and reason for his death. If I am living a life following him every step of the way, then I am living out my calling. Making the most of every “waiting period” The dreams and passions that he give us are an amazing bonus. He created us to be his and then he gives us gifts and talents to use. To bring life to ourselves and others. Or the all too common waiting for our husbands. That once he comes then life, ministry and family will fall into place. We tell ourselves that we are living full lives right now that we are “content”, that we know a man cannot complete us only God does. Yet still there is a part of us that thinks that although the man will not complete us, that the lifestyle a husband brings will bring us into who we were created to be somehow. Don’t get me wrong I want to get married someday as much as the next girl but sometimes I get caught up in waiting for this man who will bring this life that God has promised rather than living the life that he is calling me to right now.

Someday, waiting and in God’s time are dangerous phrases for us as women.
While they are all true we get trapped by them.
Someday every knee will bow and every tongue confess that Jesus is Lord. So waiting to tell those in your life about Jesus in not an option. Because God’s time for you to live out your calling as his daughter is now!

Desperation

So I have one other trip story to share before I resume with the beauty tips and bridal musings.

It was Wednesday and we were had been busy most of the day going from promoting on a college campus to a meeting with a salon owner and that night we were going to be speaking to youth group girls about beauty. At this point I was tired and I had not been able to spend any time by myself with Jesus or otherwise. That is the nature of these kinds of trips. So we had a couple of hours to kill and decided to try and find a coffee shop to sit in and write notes to the youth group girls and just to do some more planning of what we were going to say. Well we didn’t find a coffee shop we found a diner and sat down to continue writing. As I sat there I began complaining to God about how I had not gotten to spend time with him and how it was not my fault and I was tired and blah blah blah. I sat for a minute then thought oh man if I listen to God now he is going to tell me all of the times I could have spent with him and how I am feeling this way because of myself and I have no one else to blame.

So after preparing myself and feeling humble enough and guilty enough I decided to really pray and seek God and ask forgiveness. Now I don’t know why I was surprised by this. It is not as if I do not know that God loves me and wants to spend time with me. It is not as if I do not know that repentance is meant to be a joyful thing and that when we give it all over to him he is waiting to speak to us. And yet in that diner as I asked God to show up and speak to me on behalf of the girls we would be speaking to and myself. As he spoke I sat there in awe and felt chills.

I was lead to a passage of scripture I am sure I have read before but never really studied until now it is Psalm 45. It talks about the king and his beautiful bride. The whole Psalm is praising this king and expressing to this bride how lucky she is to be loved so completely by this king. How she needs to leave everything she knows and follow him. That this is good and right and joyful even.

As I sat there thinking about how much God loves us and how everything that I get to do for the Lord all of the things I get to lay at his feet for him to take care of because he loves me. I could not help but be amazed at his complete love and my complete dependence. Before the Youth Group service that night we prayed in the car and all I could think of, the one thought that dominated my mind was I am totally and utterly dependent on God who totally and utterly loves me enough to speak to me even in the midst of my sin and shortcomings. This Refined Beauty ministry is a sensitive thing for so many women. We want to go into the dark places of the world and of women’s hearts and the only way that we will be able to be effective in that is if we remain dependent on him. I have never been more sure of that than I am in this moment. So please pray with us and for us as we continue that everything that we do would be lead by him, and that all we do would be only for his glory.

Sally's Beauty Supply

So all last week we were on a promotional and ministry tour in The Lancaster and Philly area and it was amazing. We got to speak in Youth groups and community centers and we did facials, haircuts and more manicures than our hands could handle
There is 1 incident that sticks out to me in the midst of the chaos that became our week, that I really want to share with you.

It happened when me and another girl on the trip decided to run into Sally's "really quick" and grab some gloves in case we had to do pedicures the next day.
Now Sally's is one of those stores that I look at everything and most days walk out with just the thing that I came for so I grab my gloves and look around and just as I am about to get in line there is a woman trying to ask a question of the young girl behind the counter and no one is paying attention to her. So since she was asking a question about something I knew about I answered her. She then asked a few more questions and told us about herself as well.

By the end of this adventure I had told her how to remove her current gel manicure, what nail polish would last the longest and given her to formula for my hair color. We also got to pray for  her.

She shared that many of her family members were dying and her children were not following the Lord and so neither were her grandchildren. She told us how lonely she felt because her family were all in Pittsburgh where we are from.

I think that God knows everything (duh right?) I also think that he knows the part of everything that we know and he wants to show us how to use those things. How to take every opportunity to help people and to share his love with them.

He knew that while on this trip we needed to know that he was behind us 100%. That we needed to know that despite how hard it is to explain that it is so simple and natural for us to do.

So many times when I try to explain that the outward beauty is important too, that women need to know that they were created beautiful all around not just "pretty on the inside" and not "just another pretty face" That they are beautiful I find myself nervous wondering what my audience thinks. I feel as though I am stumbling over my words and no one is understanding me.

But at Sally's talking to this woman hearing about her life and telling her our beauty tips I knew this is what I was created to do. When I told a group of youth group girls that they need to compliment each other, to tell each other "you are a beautiful woman of God" or "nice legs" I knew I was walking in the my calling.

See God knows the part of everything that I know. He wants to use that. He wants to show me more. He wants to take the part I know and speak through me with what he knows.

As we go into each new thing with this ministry I am constantly reminded that we are completely dependent on God and constantly realizing that, that is where he wants us to stay.

Whether we are doing manicures in someones home for a group of 4 or speaking in front of 40. Praying for a woman in Sally's or cutting hair at a woman's shelter he has called us to dependence and we need to stay there. No matter where we might go or what we might do we are first and foremost called to stay dependent on him.

Playing in the mud

So this is the photo that started it all. There is a movie that I am a fan of called Mona Lisa smile and she takes them to a warehouse and pulls out a painting and tells them to just look at it. I would encourage you to do that for a moment.

When I first started this blog a girl that I work with and I had a bunch of photo shoot ideas and one of them was a in it and not of it shoot. The idea was to dress someone up like a beautiful bride and then take photos of her in different places that were dirty. She would be in it and not of it and that is what we are called to do. Not to hide from the world but to be different from it. To be a contrast to our surroundings.

However many times we fall short of that goal. We find ourselves in the mud trying to look like the world even though we are called to something so much better.
It seems easier to look like everyone else rather than to stick out and be different.
But I look at this photo and see a girl who has one dirty dress. A dress that is going to take some serious work to clean. Jesus does that work for us but we have to go to him. The fact is the deeper the stain is in there. The more we want to hold onto it. The harder it is to show Jesus what we have done and allow him to get rid of it. To restore our dress to their former glory.

This bride that looks as though she has been plating in the mud is alone and dirty.
I looked at this photo and thought that is just crazy. It is such a contrast to the kind of photos normally taken of brides in their wedding dresses. Brides who are full of joy and know they are loved and that they get to spend the rest of their life with the man that loves them more than anyone in the world. The man who chose them. Photos of saying vows, dancing, eating, celebrating. Not photos of a girl alone in the mud.

Jesus chose us. He gave it all for us and loves us more than anyone in the world ever could. We should be celebrating with him. We should be full of joy, knowing he is going to take care of us forever and death will never do us part. Not playing in the mud by ourselves.

This girl like so many of us is still in her wedding dress. Underneath all of the dirt she knows she is still in a wedding dress. Still meant to be living like a bride. The world on some level knows it to. When we play in the mud we are still in in that dress. We still belong to someone else. We belong somewhere else. We belong with Jesus.

The thing about playing in the mud is that it is fun, while you are playing. Afterwards the walking around with dry caked on mud is uncomfortable gross. When it gets to that point you have 2 options. option one go back to playing in the mud because you are dirty already. Or option 2 go clean up which is more of a process but always the better choice.

Here comes the Bride

So I know all of you have just been waiting for this moment with every blog entry you either wait in anticipation or you thank the Lord every time you open it up and see that it has not been mentioned but today is the day. It is time to talk about being a bride.

Now personally I have never been a bride. I have been to weddings where there is a bride. I have been a bridesmaid but I have never been a bride. I hear it is a wonderful, beautiful, stressful time in life, it is a time that you do not get everyday.

But today and for the next several blog entries I will be talking about how we are all the bride of Christ. I was once again doing an internet search and I decided to type in The bride of Christ into the images place and it came up with some interesting images. There was a series of images posted in Relation to The revelations passage about the different churches and God's complaints against each one. I will admit I did not really look to closely at the article but I did look at the images. They inspired and intrigued me, which is why I am now writing several blog entries on this topic.

As I post the photos with the blog entries and on the Facebook page I would encourage you to look at them and let the Lord speak to you. Because they rocked my world a little bit. The beauty and yet sadness in each image. If all you do is look and listen I won't be offended because chances are the Lord will speak to you the wisdom you need. I am a visual learner so I won't be offended.

For today I just have the image of a bride and groom cake topper. This is the introduction. We the church is called to be the bride of Christ. He is to lead us and we are to submit to him. Not because he Lords over us or because he is a control freak for the sake of being a control freak but because he loves us completely and unconditionally. With a love that is perfect and pure. It is a love we can only receive and never give back in its entirety because we are a fallen people. Yet he redeems us chooses us and proposes to us. While it is true that he purchased us with his blood he does not force us into relationship with him. He asks. He has given us so much more than a diamond ring and he allows us to reject his proposal time and time again. When this happens rather than sulking away with bruised pride he is heart broken. He gets back down on his knee and asks us again, Not for his own sake but for ours because he knows we cannot live abundant joyful lives without him.

Far too often we are this bride but we are not living like it. We allow the world to mess us up, or pull us down. We allow our own fears and insecurities to rule where our bridegroom should. That is what the next week or so are going to be about so Read on!

I am the Weakest of Women

Seeing as how this blog and facebook and currently everything about my life is to promote and inform people about the Refined Beauty Ministry and a big part of that right now is the Refined Beauty DTS. I thought I would share something that I wrote during my DTS.

Throughout DTS we have to keep a journal and we are encouraged to be creative with this journal. To draw, take pictures and write poems. I wrote this poem one night during one of the most difficult times of my DTS. I had a knee injury and I could not participate in the dances and dramas and it took me twice as long to get anywhere because I was limping along. My DTS leader had just presented the idea of sending me home. I was really upset because I knew I was supposed to do this DTS and I wanted and felt that I was supposed to finish it. So I was praying through all of this and trying to think of a way to communicate my heart with my leader without crying and sounding overly emotional because in my mind that would mean a one way ticket home for sure.

I was also praying through if I was even useful on the trip, if there was a reason for me to stay. or if my leader was right and I should just go home. Out of that time of prayer came these thoughts, that were written in my DTS journal several years ago.

                                            Weakest of Women

My faith never seems as strong as the women of old and even though I know 

your spirit is in me I cannot seem to be bold I’m called to be a knight and a princess but all too often I miss that and I end up a squire and a lady in waiting but what am I waiting for.

Oh how could you chose me oh weakest of women when will I understand you call me each day but when will I learn to stay in your arms where I know I’ll be safe from harm

Lord far too often I fear the things you have created instead of fearing you the creator God I worry about tomorrow and dwell on yesterday but I need to keep my eyes in you and you alone for I know you will not let me fall

Jesus you love me and this I know I am a little one and to you I belong for although I am weak you are always so strong and you don’t call a knight or a princess you call the squire just to be ready to serve then you take the lady in waiting in to your arms as a lover and you give her a crown that she doesn’t deserve

That’s how you chose me oh weakest of women and now I can understand you chose me new each day and someday I will stay in your arms always 

I think that there are times in our lives where waiting is what we are supposed to do. That going home and healing or allowing time to fix us is what we are called to do. However I also think that too many times we use that as our excuse. we are not ready because God has to do more in us first. We need more time until we can really be useful. If I had packed up and gone home I don't think I would be where I am today. I think that moment, that night was life changing for me. Had I gone home I think I would have given up on DTS gone to college and I would be graduating from seminary this summer and getting ready to be a missionary with the North American Baptist association. Not that this would be a bad thing but I heard God I allowed him to draw me into his arms and tell me he still had a plan and a purpose for me in this DTS.

I spoke to my leader and continued on the outreach limping along and stumbling through translating the message of Jesus Christ to the people of Chile and Peru. I then came on staff with Youth with a Mission here in Pittsburgh and now I am a part of this dream come true ministry. I a Cinderella living out the dream that was a wish my heart made. 

I just want to challenge you to read over the words of a scared, inadequate 18 year old girl and see if you relate. See if there is something in your own life you know God has for you or wants for you, but you are living like the Lady in Waiting because you aren't allowing him to take you into his arms. You will always and forever be a work in progress, but because you are also always and forever Jesus' daughter, friend and bride you are also called to act upon those dreams you dream with him.

Grapes!!

So I realized that it had been a while since I had shared any beauty tips so I thought I would take some time and do that today.

This is one of the simplest and one of the first beauty tricks I ever learned and still use to this day. That is using a grape as a face cleanser.

Grapes have minerals and anti-oxidants that are good for your skin and it is all natural and gentle so it works for most if not all skin types.

So what you do is simply cut the grape in half and rub it around your face in upward motions (yes I am serious run the grape on your face). Leave it sit for a minute or so then take a washcloth and warm water and wipe it away viola! clean face.

I find that this is very refreshing and makes my skin feel clean and bright. Also it is cheaper than many of the face washes out there!

So I am going to take a semi obvious route and relate this to when Jesus said I am the vine and you are the branches remain in me and I will remain in you (John 15).
So today my lunch break Internet search was about women's self esteem and self confidence. I am fast becoming a women's blog and Internet research junkie. Any ways it is one of those things where they can tell you all of the problems and come up with a million and one reasons why we as women have self confidence issues. They blame family, they blame men, they blame our own body chemistry, they blame our society. Then they tell you that only you can fix this. That you have to relax and stop worrying. Come up with a plan and stick to it. Which I know this is true but I am sitting here reading and thinking to myself if I had serious self confidence issues and I read this I would think well if my only hope is me then I am screwed.

The fact is we can only live up to our full potential in Jesus. Abiding in him is the only way that we can operate the way we were created to operate. Resting and relaxing because even though we want to control everything and make it go just so we know that he does control everything and works all things together for his good. Following the plans and instructions he has given us. Knowing that he is going to fulfill all of the dreams that he is dreaming with us.

Now I know that you could look at women throughout the world who do not have Jesus but appear  to have loads of self confidence, famous actors, singers and philanthropists. Then you read the tabloids and see interviews and it all makes me wonder is it for real. I have met stay at home moms who are raising their children to follow after God with more confidence and self assurance that some of the biggest names on TV. Some might call them "closed minded" or "brain washed" by society or religion. But I look around and I think those of us who stand firm in what God has called us to no matter what it is. Those of us who abide in Jesus no matter the cost or what others think or label us as. We have the confidence, and we will do great things because they are eternal kingdom things.
So Relax= rest in Jesus and what he has for you
     Make a plan= Follow the one that has been laid out for you before time began.
Most importantly remember you can't do it. You can't fix it. Abiding is the answer

What is Beauty?

So before Christmas I posted a mini rant on the Refined Beauty facebook page about Beauty and our view of it as Christians or the view we profess to have about beauty. So today I would like to rant and share more of my thoughts here.

A couple of weeks ago we asked Christian girls in middle school and high school to come up with a skit answering the question what is beauty. 4 out of the 5 groups that we asked came up with skits where the girl was ugly and really nice or really good and beautiful on the inside. The girls in the skits with outward beauty were all mean.

Now I am all about beauty and self confidence coming from the inside but we cannot act as though that is all that matters. As though we are all going to completely forsake our outward appearance to focus on our inward. Or as though when girls do not care about their appearance that they are self confident and believe that they have inward beauty so its ok.

When I was in high school the most insecure I also could have cared less about how I looked and I thought that it didn't matter because I was beautiful on the inside.
Then one day one of my best friends and I were talking about what we wanted to do with our lives. I was going to be a missionary in Romania to help street kids. She wanted to be a cosmetologist because she honestly believed that everyone could be beautiful they just had to learn how to use what they had.

Well I kind of stole her life goal in a way because I am a cosmetologist and like her believe that everyone can be beautiful inside and out. God created us to be beautiful, to be the crown of his creation and show off all that he has done. God talks about dressing up his people Israel with rings and silks and oils and perfumes. I realize its a metaphor for how he will take care of his people and give them everything they need and want, but that is how he wants to take care of us.

He wants to care for us and show us off. While it is true we do not need makeup, pretty clothes and jewelry to be beautiful. I think it is equally true that we should not use clothes or hair to hide behind. As if all of our assets being hidden is the only way that our inner beauty can be seen.

Beauty is a sensory thing. We see a beautiful flower, hear a beautiful song, feel the beautiful warmth of a fire, taste the beauty in our favorite food, smell the beauty of your favorite perfume. It is also a heart and soul thing, you feel how much someone cares and how sweet or humble or graceful they are and you think that is beautiful. I do not think you can have one without the other.

Someday when I fall in love I want that man to think I am beautiful inside and out. I do not want him to think well her inside is drop dead gorgeous but her looks are on the struggle bus. How sad would that be? and who wants that?

In the story of Rebekah when Abraham's servant goes to find her it says they she was a beautiful woman and the servant hurried to ask her to give him a drink. He saw that she was beautiful it attracted him to her.
Then as she filled the trough for the camels he watched her closely to see if God had answered his prayers. He watched her closely because of her servants heart, her character.
This is what I think beauty is all about inside and out. Our outward beauty draws attention but our heart and character keeps people's attention, causes them to look closely to really see all the beauty that is there.
And that is Beautiful.

All to him I owe

Once again revisiting when I wrote to women in my life asking them for advice that they would give one thing that was said is forgiveness, and acceptance. Knowing and living as though you are forgiven and pardoned from all of your sin. That when there are more things in my life that God shows us that he wants, it is a joyful thing because he has already forgiven us everything and now wants to draw us closer to himself. So many times we go before God with our shame and guilt or we do not go before him at all because of our shame and guilt. He is never searching out more things that we are doing wrong instead he is looking inside of us to find more ways he can draw us closer to himself.

When we hold onto grudges or refuse to forgive others it  breeds bitterness and hurts you a lot more than it can ever hurt the other person. This is something that we are told as Christians but it is also something that we rarely really hear. We think that the people saying that to us can never understand what we have gone through or are going through. They do not know what has happened to you, they do not know how insecure or small or worthless that other person has made you feel, or continues to make you feel. The truth is you are right they have no idea. They might try to relate and share what they have gone through and it might help but it might not. What they can understand and what I do know it that forgiveness always feels good. It is freeing and allows you to be so much closer to Jesus. Because you can not possible understand what he went through. His own father allowing him to die the most painful death, his friends all betraying and deserting him. But he forgave it all and he forgave you so when we forgive we are more like Christ and can draw closer to him. In him is all security and beauty and you know you are worth it all when you are near him. I do not know or understand what anyone else has gone through and I am old enough to know it does not do much good to pretend that you do.

So forgive others and yourself because Christ forgave you and draw closer to him through that.

"Thinspiration" inspiration

So today I ventured into the internet world of thinspiration and have emerged wiser and more saddened than I will ever be able to communicate.

After reading blog after blog on these girls weight loss plans, journeys and goals I came to the conclusion that this world needs Jesus. Which might make you pause and say "well duh" to yourself it is the one thing that I just kept thinking.

One of the bloggers wrote that the desire to be skinny or thin is looked down upon as a disease and telling someone they need to gain weight is fine but, telling a obese person to loose weight is frowned upon. And while I do not know that I would totally agree with that, how many chubby kids or girls in school are made fun of. How many mom's have told an overweight daughter to go on a diet. Extremes of either one are no good and there are people on both sides defending their lifestyles and making excuses for it. In the end it comes down to this desire to be comfortable in their own skin.
These are quotes from 2 different blogs.

this was written as a consequence to slacking on the diet plan this girl had:
"Hate myself, loathe the mirror and be stuck in this body I feel holds some of my personality back"
I read this and it broke my heart. This is not w weight loss problem. This is not about whether these girls are doing this in a way that is healthy for their body. This is a heart issue. I am all about healthy lifestyle changes and losing weight in a healthy way. My criticism, my question is where are the hearts and minds of these girls. My question for both sides is why are they doing it?

"My goal is ultimately just to feel comfortable in my own skin, to be able to walk throughout my day without my own weight suffocating my bones."

This desire, this need in each woman is what leads to these dangerous behaviors. These un healthy coping mechanisms to try and accomplish something that is only possible with Jesus. Truly being confident, secure and comfortable in your own skin. We can manipulate it but ultimately he created it so only he knows how we can be comfortable in it.

The last quote that popped out at me throughout my reading was this
"you couldn't understand even if you tried because you don't know what it is like to cut, to puke and starve. To hate every inch of yourself.

One of the biggest lessons I learned a while back was no matter how much you can relate to another person, no matter how similair your expiriences are. You will never understand another person. That is why we have to rely on God for his words and guidance in what to say because again he created that skin that they long to be comfortable in.

Throughout my time online I saw girls bashing each other and their views. I saw the big and beautiful community rip on the skinny girls. The skinny girls call the fat girls cows. The healthy girls say who are the people who started this, who do they think they are?, what good do they think they are doing?.

As I read all I kept seeing was the question that they were all asking
"I want to be comfortable in my own skin, has anyone actually figured out how to do that?"

Shameless plug. If you read this and do your own research or even just read this and think. Man i want to tell girls that the designer of their skin can show them how to wear it comfortably then the Refined Beauty DTS might be the place for you. check us out at www.ywampittsburgh.org

Gal Pals

So I have been reading through the stories of women in the bible lately and I just wanted to talk about the story of Hagar and Sarai for a minute today. Now some of this reflection is purely my speculation, this isn't meant to be scholarly as much as my reflections.

So a few weeks ago we went to a Youth Group and after the service we were talking to girls in small groups. I had a group and three of them were friends who hung out all of the time except when they were fighting. I asked them what they fought about and they said "boys". Shocker I know. The thing is we sit here and laugh to ourselves and think of course middle school girls what else would it be. But the fact is this continually is what comes between friendships, when our contentment is not completely founded in Christ. When we do not trust him for our every need. We allow our insecurities to take over and allow boys to come between us. 

I think this is what happened with Sarai and Hagar. Hagar was her servant but I think they were friends or at least close if Sarai was willing to allow her to bear her husband a son I don't think she would choose just any maid for that. Maybe I am wrong but I think also that is why it hurt Sarai so badly when Hagar started to treat her with contempt. Hagar who had never had something her mistress did not was in a position of having something Sarai wanted. It was a relationship shift, one that neither handled well. I believe because there were boys involved both Abram and the son Hagar carried. They changed the dynamic of who these two women were and what they had before. Sarai let her insecurity rule, rather than placing all of her trust in him and seeking him on what she should do.

Insecurity not the man himself is what destroys the relationship. One of the two wanting what the other has, and the other not being sensitive to where the other is in life. Far too often we treat others insecurities with contempt instead of empathy, prayer and encouragement. When our gal pals have a new male relationship in their life how do we take it? Do we take these emotions to God? Do we immediately begin judging this boyfriend as unfit for our friend? Do we talk amongst our other girlfriends about how she has abandoned us? I will admit at different points in my life with different friendships I have reacted in all of these ways. In the end security in Christ is the place we need to operate out of. It is central to everything we do and every relationship we have. Although we are always told getting married doesn't fix everything, it isn't the answer. Many times we single girls still think it will solve some things right? In the end though I look at this story and have a fresh revelation that security in Christ is where it is at.

So now my plug if you want to hear some amazing speakers with much wisdom and insight about relationships with people and your relationship with Jesus and if you want to make some amazing new gal pals check out the refined beauty DTS at www.ywampittsburgh.com 

Conditioner Success and Whipped Cream Failure

Hello all so today I want to talk to you about success and failure, with my semi-curly hair.

I have semi- curly hair and about a month and a half ago my housemate introduced me to this book called Curly Girl. It is by a woman who had devoted herself to cutting, styling and passing on her wisdom, knowledge and experience with curly hair. 

So my success from this book is that I no longer use shampoo, only conditioner. When I first read this I was like won't I feel dirty but the truth is no you just scrub your scalp well with the conditioner rinse all of that out apply conditioner to just your hair rinse most of it out leave some in and voila! My hair looks pretty good and it isn't nearly as dry and poofy

The failure happened when I turned to a page about some home remedies for curly hair. It said for a dry scalp you can use redi whip and put it on your head let it sit and rinse it out with warm water.

Well I did this... or I attempted this.

I thought I rinsed it out really well but the next day when my hair smelled like milk that had been left out I thought maybe I didn't. Not only did my hair smell but it was greasy. Not only did it smell and was it greasy but my scalp looked worse. Needless to say I would not recommend this and although I still had the redi-whip in my fridge and from time to time thought about trying it again. In the end I am scarred and instead decided to make crepes with fruit and redi- whip.

All of this to say that things do not always work out the way you want them to. When this happens it can leave a scar. What we do with that scar and that experience is what matters. It is cliche but true. I could have scrapped the whole thing and tossed out the whipped cream and pretended that I had never done something like that. Or I could have tried again and rinsed better and shared a success story. Instead I decided to share my failure with you. Just in case you thought I was a brilliant home remedy person that this stuff always worked for, now you know that I win some and I loose some, also to use it as a teachable moment. Not of if at first you don't succeed try, try again. But if at first you don't succeed  use your failure to warn others against the same mistake and then make crepes!

No quite as catchy but you get the drift. The whole idea behind the Refined Beauty DTS and ministry is that we have all made mistakes and had misconceptions of what beauty is and who Jesus is and how he views us. The challenge is are you willing to give it all up to him. To allow him to show you that all of those failures he wants to turn into successes. Maybe in a way you never would have thought of on your own. When my head first smelled like sour milk the last thing I was thinking of was eating that whipped cream. However if that whipped cream hadn't have been in my fridge I never would have thought of making crepes and it was a delightful Saturday morning treat!

So Shameless plug time. If you have curly hair and want more direction on using only conditioner shoot me an email. If you too have a home remedy horror story email me or comment here get some conversation going. But more importantly if you think that giving 5 months of your life and dedicating it to Jesus so he can turn you sour milk moments into Saturday morning Crepes email me here or visit www.ywampittsburgh.org. Thanks so much

Intimacy with Christ

So as I said before I asked many of the women in my life if they had one piece of advice to give young women today what would it be.

One of the posts was intimacy with Christ and the importance and necessity of healing.

This is something that is near and dear to my heart. When we hear the word intimacy often it is an uncomfortable word. It is a level of closeness and transparency that says all of me is for you to see.  Many of us have been hurt. By family, friends or boyfriends in one way or another that makes it hard for us to have a healthy view of God because he is our father, friend and lover. But he is perfect he won't hurt you, he wants to heal you. Through an intimacy with him he shows you how much he desires you, all of you.

I am 24 and I have never had a boyfriend so while I have never been hurt I had my own insecurities. I struggled with thinking that God was going to one day find something that he didn't like in me and then we wouldn't be as close or that he would find someone that he liked better and wanted to be closer to and I would somehow loose touch with him. It was a fear that I couldn't put words to or understand until after he showed it to me, and began the healing process. Through that healing I know that everything he sees and shows me, everything I obey him in is only going to draw me closer because he already sees everything I am. was and will be and desires to be intimate with me not simply in spite of it all but because of it all.
 
I think I wrote a similar blog earlier but decided to reflect on this thought again because it was brilliant advice. Be intimate with Jesus no matter how uncomfortable it will only make your life richer and relationships deeper. He desires to heal you because he desires you.

Pass the Petroleum Jelly Please.

Today is time for a much over due beauty tip. Today's topic is petroleum jelly and the 2 things that I have used it for although there are so many uses you can find on the internet the two things that i use it on are my lips and nails.

So First is the lips. I read this trick in a magazine a while ago and have been using it ever since when my lips need a little TLC
Step 1 exfoliate. If you haven't figured it out by now I am a huge advocate of off with the old on with the new. So there are a few options on how to go about this.
Option 1 go to the store and pick up a lip exfoliant. My personal favorite is Bath and Body works sugar scrub but you can use any your heart desires.
Option 2 use some sugar and olive oil and rub it circles on your lips for about a min.
Option 3 take your tooth brush get it wet and then rub it in a circular motion on your lips for about a min.
Then rinse and dry your lips wiping away all of those dead skin cells.

Step 2 take your petroleum Jelly and coat your lips in it using it like a lip mask. Leave them be for 10 min. Then take a tissue and dab it off of your lips and then apply whatever lip balm, chap stick, lip gloss or lipstick your heart desires. You will love your lips!

The Second thing I like to use Petroleum Jelly for is my nails and cuticles. I learned this from the women in Thailand. Many of them have strong beautiful nails, now part of this is the climate and food because my nails improved while I was there. However one day I was giving a manicure to a woman and I told her she had beautiful nails and that mine chipped and broke and were weak and she told me to rub petroleum Jelly on my nails in between painting them and so I started and it worked!! Plus it is good for the cuticles too.

So for this just rub a generous amount of petroleum jelly on your nails and cuticles and let is sit for as long as you have time for. It is best to do this before bed but if you are in a hurry or wanting to paint your nails before bed let it sit for 15 min. Then push back and/or cut your cuticles. rub more of the Jelly into your nail. Then if you are going to paint them use a little nail polish remover o each nail to get rid of the oils and paint away.

Ask and you shall receive. Seek and you shall find. This is true with beauty tips and tricks. I was looking in the magazine and found the lip mask idea. I told a girl in Thailand she had nice nails and mine were terrible and she shared her trick with me. A lot of the time we look at women with a better complexion or prettier hands or lips than us and we get insecure or intimidated. We think that they are so much prettier than us and so they would never share with us how. Or if they do it is going to be something that there is no way we can do that. When the truth is it could be as simple as petroleum jelly. The kingdom of God is the same way. Sometimes we get intimidated by people who seem so holy or a God who is so perfection. We think I am so messed up how could he care about my inquiry or my problem. The truth is it is as simple as receiving a free gift.

The reality is he is not only dying to share his tips, tricks and answers with us, he did Die to be our answer.

So if you have your own tips and tricks share them in the comments section or email them to me and I will make a blog post out of them. If you have read this and other entries and would like more information send me an email at refinedbeautyywam@gmail.com or check out our website
www.ywampittsburgh.org
Thanks for reading!

Holy Fitness!

Hey all this is a blog post from one of our accepted DTS students for the March 2013 Refined Beauty DTS Mallery. As you will see she has a passion for fitness as well as for women and girls to really know who they are in Christ. I am so pumped to have my very first guest blogger Enjoy!!!

About 4 months ago the Lord called me to YWAM Pittsburgh. 

I remember walking off the campus "base" thinking " Lord, I am way too old, I am self employed and I have responsibilities" 

How could this happen? Fear of sacrifice played in my mind and I said nope it's not Gods will. 

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline. 2 Timothy 1:7 NLT" 

I then said ok Lord, open up opportunities for local ministry. Where do you want me? USE ME JESUS! 

While serving at local churches and ministries in my area, God kept tugging at my hear saying "Are you ALL IN" 

I thought I was, I was reading the word daily, taking biblical classes, and praying every chance I got! 

This scripture below came to my mind, read carefully.. 

Matt 7:21 “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. 

HE SAID TO ME "NO MALLERY, SURRENDER IT ALL, ARE YOU GOING TO DO MY WILL OR YOURS?"

Now, let me share a a bit of my heart with you. I am 26 (27 Feb 11th) enjoy working out, giving animals/friends/family love, shopping, fellowship and some down time to read the word. Let's just say that list is not in the correct order but yes that sums Mallery up. My daily routine consist of about 1 to 2 hours of strength training, running (outside if it's nice) and stretching. I am very set on doing this daily. Working out is my passion. 

There are more than 4 reason why...  Can I share with you my top FOUR? 

1. You are what you eat 1 Corinthians 10:31 

So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.

2. Endorphins (I call them happy cells) this scripture always comes to my mind after a workout.. 

  Philippians 4:13  I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

3. Look great on the outside to match what's on the outside  Corinthians 6:19-20 Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

4. Strive to be the best that I can, continue to run4Jesus! 

1 Corinthians Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it.

Ok. Now that you know a bit about me and my passion for fitness. The Lord really dealt with me a few months ago when he said SURRENDER! Think about this, what does that word mean to you? Give up everything? Right? So, obviously I was on the defense side and cautious that I might be misinterpreting the Lords guiding. I continued to pray because really that was all I could do. I said if this is your will, how can this possibly happen? He then placed this scripture right in-front of me Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.  

BAM! God is good. I then picked up the phone and started reaching out to YWAM. I sat in on a lecture class in the a.m, fellowed with the staff, went on an outreach and all I have to say is this ministry is amazing! 

April and Courtney (Staff leaders for the Refined Beauty) have such a heart for Christ and use cosmetology as a platform to share Gods love. 

I knew after meeting these two Godly ladies and seeing how YWAM operated I was ALL in! Yes, I am stepping out in full faith that God will provide. In life I want to be a Christ follower, change lives and help people to grow in their relationship with Christ! When times get tough, PUSH THROUGH knowing God's got me. My prayer is to be challenged & stretched. 

I am truly honored and excited to be a part of the first DTS Refined Beauty! Hey, who knows I might just have to add some fitness classes at the Pittsburgh location. Ok... After reading this let's sum it all up for you..  

- IF YOU WANT TO GROW A DEEPER MORE INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP WITH JESUS 

- LEARN MANY GREAT BEAUTY TIPS :) 

- GET IN PHENOMENAL SHAPE 

Then YWAM Refined Beauty is for you! BAM, just what you needed confirmation...

You can contact me (Mallery Schaffer) directly at Inspiremefitness@gmail.com  LOVE YOU SISTA!!!